A Conversation between Adults

Casey: It’s here! 😀 (the ice cream maker I sent him for his birthday)

Melissa: Enjoy. 🙂

Casey: I’m sure I will, once I learn how to work the damn thing.

Melissa: Emailed you the manual.

Casey: That was nice of you. Did you happen to email the ingredients?

Melissa: It’s probably just milk and sugar. Bada bing, bada boom. I couldn’t have bought those for you anyway. (because we live a thousand miles apart)

Casey: If you think all you need to make ice cream is milk and sugar, then go to the kitchen and mix some milk and sugar and see what happens.

Melissa: Might need some ice also.

Casey: Thank god you don’t cook.

Melissa: I resent that!

Casey: If your recipe for ice cream is milk, sugar and some ice, I don’t wanna know how you think gravy should be made. Is your recipe for mashed potatoes a bag of potatoes and a sledge hammer?

Melissa: Yeah, but I think you have to microwave the potatoes first.

Melissa: As for gravy, beef juice and flour.

Casey: I’m never coming to visit you unless you swear on a stack of DVDs that nothing we eat came from your recipes.

Melissa: You flatter yourself by thinking I would even cook for you.

Casey: I know you wouldn’t cook for me, but you’d have to have someone cook a meal and I would want the promise that they did not use your recipe.

Casey: So tell me, with ice cream, which ingredient, the milk, ice or sugar makes it taste like vanilla?

Melissa: That’s why you have to throw some vanilla wafers in there.

Casey: So you’re going to have sugar milk soup with wafers for crackers. No wonder you think coffee tastes good.

Melissa: You have to put the concoction in the freezer obviously.

Casey: Oh, so you get a big solid block of milk ice.

Melissa: LOL @ milk ice. Sounds good to me.

Casey: So if that’s all you have to do, why the hell did you buy me a $70 machine?

Melissa: That’s what you wanted!! I don’t question your crazy ideas.

Casey: Except I wouldn’t have wanted it if you hadn’t pointed it out to me in the first place?

Melissa: Maybe I was intoxicated at the time.

Casey: Too much milk ice?

Melissa: I call it ice cream

Casey: Next time you want pizza, I’m going to suggest you get some flour, tomato juice, expired milk and beef scraps.

Melissa: Where does the milk come in??

Casey: Expired milk = cheese. Duh.

Melissa: Oh yeah!

Casey: At least it does in the same universe where milk, ice and sugar makes ice cream.

Melissa: No no, you’re right.

Melissa: But I think it’s supposed to be spaghetti sauce, not tomato juice. That doesn’t make any sense.

Casey: Spaghetti sauce is made from a recipe, and your recipe would be tomato juice and water, so therefore all you really need is the tomato juice.

Melissa: Spaghetti sauce is not made from a recipe. It’s called Prego.

Casey: On your trip to New York, how many times did you drive by fields of Prego jars growing as far as the eye could see?

Melissa: I think they were in Tennessee, not New York. We also passed a couple of Cheez Whiz fields.

Casey: I have to say, I’m going to miss you when whatever drugs you’re on eat away the rest of your brain and you have to be committed.

Later –

Casey: I read the manual and recipe book. All of the ice cream recipes call for more than milk and sugar, and none call for ice cubes.

Melissa: That’s a major mistake, them leaving out the ice. You should probably call them and tell them to fix it.

Casey: The major mistake was a recipe for pumpkin spice ice cream.

Melissa: That sounds delicious!

Casey: No, it doesn’t.

Melissa: You don’t know everything.

Casey: I know enough.

Melissa: Not when it comes to delicious ice cream flavors apparently.

Melissa: So what are you going to make anyway?

Casey: I’m not sure yet. There’s a recipe for cherry vanilla frozen yogurt I want to try.

Melissa: Yuck. See what I’m talking about?

Casey: Yes, I do. You’re gross.

Melissa: Cherry vanilla is gross. I prefer cake batter ice cream.

Melissa: Why the hell are you talking about me on Facebook?

Casey: You already know why. I do it for the same reasons that I eat the foods I eat, drink the beverages I drink, watch the sports and shows I watch, read the books I read and listen to the music I listen to.

Melissa: I’m not talking to you anymore.