Casey: It’s here! 😀 (the ice cream maker I sent him for his birthday)
Melissa: Enjoy. 🙂
Casey: I’m sure I will, once I learn how to work the damn thing.
Melissa: Emailed you the manual.
Casey: That was nice of you. Did you happen to email the ingredients?
Melissa: It’s probably just milk and sugar. Bada bing, bada boom. I couldn’t have bought those for you anyway. (because we live a thousand miles apart)
Casey: If you think all you need to make ice cream is milk and sugar, then go to the kitchen and mix some milk and sugar and see what happens.
Melissa: Might need some ice also.
Casey: Thank god you don’t cook.
Melissa: I resent that!
Casey: If your recipe for ice cream is milk, sugar and some ice, I don’t wanna know how you think gravy should be made. Is your recipe for mashed potatoes a bag of potatoes and a sledge hammer?
Melissa: Yeah, but I think you have to microwave the potatoes first.
Melissa: As for gravy, beef juice and flour.
Casey: I’m never coming to visit you unless you swear on a stack of DVDs that nothing we eat came from your recipes.
Melissa: You flatter yourself by thinking I would even cook for you.
Casey: I know you wouldn’t cook for me, but you’d have to have someone cook a meal and I would want the promise that they did not use your recipe.
Casey: So tell me, with ice cream, which ingredient, the milk, ice or sugar makes it taste like vanilla?
Melissa: That’s why you have to throw some vanilla wafers in there.
Casey: So you’re going to have sugar milk soup with wafers for crackers. No wonder you think coffee tastes good.
Melissa: You have to put the concoction in the freezer obviously.
Casey: Oh, so you get a big solid block of milk ice.
Melissa: LOL @ milk ice. Sounds good to me.
Casey: So if that’s all you have to do, why the hell did you buy me a $70 machine?
Melissa: That’s what you wanted!! I don’t question your crazy ideas.
Casey: Except I wouldn’t have wanted it if you hadn’t pointed it out to me in the first place?
Melissa: Maybe I was intoxicated at the time.
Casey: Too much milk ice?
Melissa: I call it ice cream
Casey: Next time you want pizza, I’m going to suggest you get some flour, tomato juice, expired milk and beef scraps.
Melissa: Where does the milk come in??
Casey: Expired milk = cheese. Duh.
Melissa: Oh yeah!
Casey: At least it does in the same universe where milk, ice and sugar makes ice cream.
Melissa: No no, you’re right.
Melissa: But I think it’s supposed to be spaghetti sauce, not tomato juice. That doesn’t make any sense.
Casey: Spaghetti sauce is made from a recipe, and your recipe would be tomato juice and water, so therefore all you really need is the tomato juice.
Melissa: Spaghetti sauce is not made from a recipe. It’s called Prego.
Casey: On your trip to New York, how many times did you drive by fields of Prego jars growing as far as the eye could see?
Melissa: I think they were in Tennessee, not New York. We also passed a couple of Cheez Whiz fields.
Casey: I have to say, I’m going to miss you when whatever drugs you’re on eat away the rest of your brain and you have to be committed.
Casey: I read the manual and recipe book. All of the ice cream recipes call for more than milk and sugar, and none call for ice cubes.
Melissa: That’s a major mistake, them leaving out the ice. You should probably call them and tell them to fix it.
Casey: The major mistake was a recipe for pumpkin spice ice cream.
Melissa: That sounds delicious!
Casey: No, it doesn’t.
Melissa: You don’t know everything.
Casey: I know enough.
Melissa: Not when it comes to delicious ice cream flavors apparently.
Melissa: So what are you going to make anyway?
Casey: I’m not sure yet. There’s a recipe for cherry vanilla frozen yogurt I want to try.
Melissa: Yuck. See what I’m talking about?
Casey: Yes, I do. You’re gross.
Melissa: Cherry vanilla is gross. I prefer cake batter ice cream.
Melissa: Why the hell are you talking about me on Facebook?
Casey: You already know why. I do it for the same reasons that I eat the foods I eat, drink the beverages I drink, watch the sports and shows I watch, read the books I read and listen to the music I listen to.
Melissa: I’m not talking to you anymore.